Battling a monster

I am fighting a battle, have been fighting this same battle show since the age of 8. My opponent is fierce, strong and unrelenting. Sometime it tries to trick me by laying dormant for a while then when I least expect it, it reappears with a vengeance. I stay mostly silent about this battle, my family and some close friends no but mostly I keep it covered, hidden away in the dark corners of my mind, to afraid to show it to the rest of the world. But I have decided that I NEED to share this battle, I need to let it out, show my true self to all of you and show this big, bad bully that I won't me silent anymore. My battle is with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. At the age of 8 while attending a girl scout camp my disease reared its ugly head, from then on it has tormented me and while I have learned to suppress the symptoms and keep it mostly at for most of my adult life in the past few years it has comsumed me again with the added fun of anxiety\panic attacks. Some days are worse than others but mostly every day is a battle. For the most part I don't talk about it, I'm scared people will judge me, think I'm crazy or just not understand. The other reason for keeping it private is the fear the disease gives me, i am somehow afraid that talking about it will make it worse, but lately I have had the feeling that I need the support and prayers of others to get through this, I just can't do it alone. I know there are so many other people out there that suffer as I do and I just don't personally know any. I would love to connect with others who share my condition. If you don't you can still help me, please pray for me, send me encouraging words, be patient with me when I seem elusive. I am determined to find a way to live without fear, to be free of worry and depression. I will not hide anymore. So I hope in the coming weeks to be able to share more about my condition, to help you all understand it more and to help myself work through some of the things that trouble me.

Learn More about OCD here

Lucky

I am LUCKY, I am BLESSED to have this beautiful family! I look at them and my heart MELTS. Each one of them holds a special place in my heart, each one unique and cherished. Words cannot express the sheer joy and love I feel when I see these faces. God has truly blessed me and I am filled with gratitude to be a mother and wife to these amazing people.

I am also LUCKY to have had the chance to FINALLY meet Kirsten from Boys N Berries Photography and have her take theses awesome pictures of our family! She is amazingly talented and super sweet. Sadly she is moving to Utah soon so you'll have to travel there if you want her to work her magic on your family!!

3 posts in one day??? Insane

It seems all I have to do today is take, edit and post pictures!! Well not exactly there is a huge pile of laundry waiting for me but that will wait... Today I followed Bulldog around for awhile while Krews was sleeping and his brothers were with KB. He is so funny, I love two year olds!! They really have a lot of spunk. He is refused to smile for me but I did manage to get a few shots that made me smile! What a precious boy he is..

Aunt Bri

I bet you can't tell this girl is related to my kids, right?? Ha. I'm pretty sure her super blonde hair is a dead give away! She is KB's sister. Isn't she beautiful?? I sure think so. She is home from college for the summer and wanted some pictures of she and her boyfriend. Of course we happily said yes and I wanted to share a few of my favorites.

Editing makes me happy

I LOVE to edit photos maybe even more than I love to take them! I am always giddy with happiness after I take pictures because I never know what fun surprises await me when I plug my camera into the computer to download and edit. I am kind of in the middle when it comes to editing I guess, some photographers love to really edit and work on their photos a lot, some like to do minimal editing and leave their photos mostly as they are straight out of the camera. I have a love of both points of view. I see the beauty in a great picture straight out of the camera but I also love to see and enjoy the magic of photoshop!! I also love to see what other photographers do with their photos and can spend hours pouring over photography blogs and websites enjoying other peoples art! It really is such a passion of mine and I really just can't wait to learn more.

I have to share....

Ok, as most of you know I LOVE the awkward family photos website and while most of the time I look at it laugh myself silly then close the browser, sometimes there is a picture too funny not to share. This is one of those times!! The caption reads:

Don’t be afraid to show the world that you’re in love and that you have a cat skeleton.

Honestly I don't know why I think this is soo funny but I do, I just do!!! I'm laughing all over again.....

Photos of the day and our little swimmers

Last year we could not get Bobcat or Bulldog anywhere close to the pool and this year we can't keep them out. Bulldog literally has NO fear of the water now and will just jump in even if no one is there to catch him!! It scares me to death. Bobcat is making big progress in learning to swim and today was cruising all over Nana's pool with floaties and even had the courage to jump off the diving board! Buttercup and Sunshine are swimming up a storm as well. We really have our hands full with these guys this year!! Luckily we love close enough to Nana this year that we can swim any time we want and as a bonus I don't have to brave the public pool in a bathing suit!!