A new chapter

The past year has been a time of transition for me, my last baby turned one, I had a hysterectomy, and these things signaled to me a the dawn of change.  I began to have an internal conflict about who I was and who I wanted to become and what I wanted to do now that my life would not solely consist of nursing and rocking. It was time for me to think about hopes and dreams I had long put on the back burner, to become something more than a mommy, to redefine myself as a woman, as a separate entity outside my role of homemaker.  While I know my job as a mother it the most important, challenging and meaningful job I will ever have, my heart began nudging me to try something new.  This in no way means I will put my family on a back burner, they will always come first but I think it is important for my children to know that I can do more than change a diaper and for me to feel value in myself, for something other than being a wife and mother.
  I always knew I wanted to go back to school but I wasn't exactly sure what for. I knew it would have to be something I was passionate about, something that involved helping others, something that involved children. I just wasn't sure exactly where I was headed. Then late one night, after hours of internet research, like a lightbulb, the perfect job reveled itself to me.
   Tomorrow I start the first step on a new journey.  Tomorrow I start on the path to become a lactation consultant and doula! Tomorrow after 7 years of being a stay at home mom, after 7 years of no boss, no "real" clothes and no real agenda, I am going back to work, part time at my local WIC office as a breast-feeding peer counselor! I am thrilled God dropped this perfect job into my lap! I am excited to be helping mothers have an amazing breast-feeding experience.   Next month I will also start school online!
  I am excited, scared, worried, and happy. Having OCD really makes it hard to embrace change, even when you know it is a good change. I am being forced to give up control of all the little household things I think no one can possibly do as well as me, having to allow my children to do things for themselves that I normally do for them, to allow others to watch my kids, to put them down for naps and while all of this is exciting and fun it is also scary. Scary or not I am moving forward! Fear is not going to stop me this time!
    Tomorrow I will wake up early, put "real" clothes on and head out the door on my new journey, I will leave the dirty diapers, and lunch duty to someone else and I can't wait!