Random musing of a tired mom

I feel like I am struggling to keep my head above water...Kevin is off from the fire station for another couple of weeks but he has had to go back to his spraying/mowing business and so during the day I am alone. I can keep up with the laundry (barely) and the kids but little else and I hate feeling like I can't do it all. I spend most of the day feeding Krews and trying to keep Bulldog off of him. If I want to shower when Kevin is not here I have to take Bulldog in the shower with me and put Krews in the bouncy seat in the bathroom.

I have not scrap booked in ages and i am getting behind, I hate that...I know it seems silly but I really like to keep their books up, it means a lot to me.

Bulldog has learned to say "love you" it is so sweet and when he says it he cups your face softly and pats your cheek...I adore that boy.

Bobcat had been watching a lot of tv lately which i hate but frankly I don't have a lot of time to do things with him at this point...I know he is missing out weekly fun outings but I am just not yet ready to resume those yet.

My anxiety/postpartum depression is in full gear still and the evenings are especially bad. i spend a lot of time worrying about things I can't change, like my kids growing up and Kevin and I getting old, Krews being my last baby...etc. I am usually good at seeing the positive in things but lately I am stuck on negative...

Krews finally lost his umbilical cord yesterday, I though it would never fall off. He is still doing well,eating well and sleeping well. He rarely cries, of course someone is always holding him so he doesn't need to cry!

Sunshine will turn 6 next week :( It makes me happy and sad all at once. I can't believe he is so big already. We are planning his party for next month because he wants a swimming party, well that and the fact that I have been out of commission and have not had time to plan anything sooner. We will take him to do something special before that to celebrate.

Buttercup is doing well at her new school and has landed a summer job with Kevins aunt this summer! It will give her something to do and she will learn a lot too.

I have virtually no clothes that fit and the few I do have have mysterious little holes in them from the washing machine. For some reason it only eats my shirts... I can't wait to get rid of this gross gut I have and find some clothes that fit....

hopefully soon we can find our "new normal" and get this around here back in order....