Randomness about fear and getting real

This post is pretty much just as it says, just random musings about fear and being real.
I'm really not going to try and make this flow, which may really annoy some of you but I just want to let all my thoughts out, like a stream of consciousness.

I am so inspired by other bloggers who can just be real. I mean REALLY, real. You know the people that can blog about everything from baby poop to the fact their husband left them for another woman? Yea, that's what I want. Even if it is just for my own release, I want to be real, to put myself out there for better or for worse. Don't get me wrong, I love to blog about all the happy things in my life, I love to share the cute photos of my kids, but so often I choose not to share some of the most real parts of my life and my heart. Why? Well in comes the fear...

You see, as I have mentioned before I suffer from OCD and anxiety and so most of my decisions, reactions and feelings are based on fear. So, when I think about being open, about being myself, fear sets in. Pretty much my whole life has been dictated my fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of failure, fear of, you name it, i fear it.

The thing is the older I become, the closer I grow to God the more I realize that I MUST let go of the fear. Easier said than done. Fear is my dearest, oldest friend and no matter how much I try to pray it away, wish it away, medicate it away, it never leaves.

But I have to leave fear behind me. So I am taking this first step of faith and choosing to become real, choosing to trust that God can and God will help me every step of the way as I continue to fight the fear and anxiety that has become so much a part of me.

A little help please..

I have OCD, I am a worrier, we have been over all this before. I have been really struggling with worry, fear and anxiety my whole life but it has really been bad the last year. I am still battling trying to find just the right combo of meds that both help and don't have too many side effects, so while still working on that I have decided to really try and tackle the anxiety and worry in other ways. I have really been trying to figure out what exactly causes me to worry and how to stop worrying about those things. Sounds easy but it is not. I have discovered that the number one thing I fear, worry, stress about is getting old and my children getting older and I just don't know how to let go of that issue. I have five kids and I love them all to peices at just the age they are now and each time one of them has a birthday it makes me sad, each time Krews leans something new, gets a month older it makes me sad, becasue I know they will all only be this age once and I know that while the days with five young kids sometimes feel long the years are short. I guess I have focused so much time and attention on being a mommy, on raising kids, that I just have know idea what my life without diapers, breastfeeding and naps will be like. That is scary to me. I LOVE having a baby in the house, I love having toddlers, I love my kids being at home and I hate it when they have to go to school. I am not the mom who can't wait for her kids to grow up and move away. I LOVE being a mom, no matter how stressful it is to a house full of rowdy little kids. I just fear them getting older. I fear change and I just for the life of me don't know how to get over it. I have tried telling myself, it's great this is what they are supposed to do grow and change and I know in my head that is true and I do love watching them at each new stage in life but there is still a part of me that is sad knowing that they are only little for a short while. So tell me do any of you feel this way?? Any of you have any suggestions on how to combat this??? I would love to hear your advise...