Randomness about fear and getting real

This post is pretty much just as it says, just random musings about fear and being real.
I'm really not going to try and make this flow, which may really annoy some of you but I just want to let all my thoughts out, like a stream of consciousness.

I am so inspired by other bloggers who can just be real. I mean REALLY, real. You know the people that can blog about everything from baby poop to the fact their husband left them for another woman? Yea, that's what I want. Even if it is just for my own release, I want to be real, to put myself out there for better or for worse. Don't get me wrong, I love to blog about all the happy things in my life, I love to share the cute photos of my kids, but so often I choose not to share some of the most real parts of my life and my heart. Why? Well in comes the fear...

You see, as I have mentioned before I suffer from OCD and anxiety and so most of my decisions, reactions and feelings are based on fear. So, when I think about being open, about being myself, fear sets in. Pretty much my whole life has been dictated my fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of failure, fear of, you name it, i fear it.

The thing is the older I become, the closer I grow to God the more I realize that I MUST let go of the fear. Easier said than done. Fear is my dearest, oldest friend and no matter how much I try to pray it away, wish it away, medicate it away, it never leaves.

But I have to leave fear behind me. So I am taking this first step of faith and choosing to become real, choosing to trust that God can and God will help me every step of the way as I continue to fight the fear and anxiety that has become so much a part of me.