It really is hard

You would think that relaxing after surgery and letting other people take care of you, your kids and your house would be easy. Turns out it is not so easy for me. It is actually rather hard. I cannot relax, rest and recover because I am feeling like a bum when I know my mother is struggling to get the kids fed or my husband is trying to work on invoices and take care of the house. I just feel so guilty. I know I should not, but it is hard. Hard to let other people do "MY" jobs.
I know it is necessary right now. My body is telling me I cannot do the things I want and feel I need to do and yet I want to do things so badly.
I am so lucky to have family and friends that are not only willing but actually happy to help me out during this time but man is it hard to need help.

Too many kids in this tub

I am recovering, still... no lifting, no driving. Frankly I am getting pretty sick of doing nothing and seeing only my house or the hospital. So today I ventured outside and with the help of my darling husband, I was able to try out this idea I had.

However the idea didn't go just as I had envisioned, but that's ok because I actually think it went better. You see I planned on photographing Krews, in the old tub...by himself. What I got was lots of boys in the tub...It brought to mind the poem below.

Author: Shel Silverstein

There's too many kids in this tub
There's too many elbows to scrub
I just washed a behind that I'm sure wasn't mine
There's too many kids in this tub.

Another organ gone

Well I was recovering pretty well after my hysterectomy until Wednesday when I started having strange pains. I just chalked them up to healing and went on. Thursday I felt even sicker and decided I must have a UTI, I called my doctor and got an antibiotic. Friday I felt better but Saturday I felt horrible but the pain finally went away until Monday morning when I woke up vomiting and feeling generally ill. I wanted to stay in bed but my husband insisted on a trip to the ER. After several tests it was determined that my appendix was inflamed and needed to be removed. So last night at 8 pm I had my second surgery in two weeks. I must be lucky!
Thankfully my mom has been staying with us, since I can't lift for two more weeks so she was able to keeps the kids while my husband stayed with me. I don't know what I would do without her!!
As I type I am waiting to be released and I can honestly say I hope I don't see this place for a long time!!


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Bye Bye..

Well I did it, Friday I got rid of my baby maker! I have to say it was much worse than I anticipated but that was mostly due to some other repairs that I had to have done. I will spare you the details, just know that having 5 big babies will demolish your body. SO everything is all removed, suspended and or tightened and I am SORE and tired.
I will say if you think their is no modestly in child birth than do NOT have a hysterectomy! It was worse than childbirth. People prodding, touching, asking questions. Men have no idea how easy they have it. I must have said that to my husband a hundred times. It is true though, men have no clue what a woman must go through from periods and childbirth to hormones and hysterectomies! I would not trade it for the world, well at least not the pregnancy/childbirth part, but I am glad to have it behind me.

Why I am looking forward to having an organ removed..

Let me just say today was one of "those" days. You know the ones where you have a great plan for everything and then God smacks your plans in the face and says "Not today?", yeah those days. i guess to be fair it has been building up for a few weeks now and it just all came to a head.
Tonight I am fairly certain that not only am I ready to have a hysterectomy on Friday but I am EXCITED to do it, because sadly it will give me a peaceful night away from home. Sad huh?? Yeah it's come to that. Lets just recap the last few weeks shall we?

1. Started WAY to many home projects and now my OCD is telling me I must finish them all and have a clean house by surgery day.

2. Really sick baby that required 2 trips to the pediatrician and 2, yes 2 ER visits. Also includes 3 completely sleepless nights.

3. 3 year old with strep throat

4. Trying to line up babysitting, meals, chores for after surgery. I will be unable to lift anything for 2 weeks!

5. Trying to complete all needed paperwork, school enrollment etc. for M

6. husband that is working extra 24 hr. shifts because his side job is being destroyed by 31 straight days of temps. over 100

7. Trampoline broke - i know seems small but kids are sad

8. My parents are headed out of state Monday for 6 weeks for my dads cancer treatments.

9. 6 year old requiring an ER visit for 3 stitches in the chin after running in the house and face planting on tile.

10. My car air conditioning has a problem so it will only blow one speed. It isn't high :(

Hmm.. I think that is it, well besides the every day laundry, cleaning, cooking, diaper changing, teenager hauling stuff I usually do. It seems I have hardly had a moments peace and while I love my children and my job as a stay at home mom, I am TIRED. So sad as it may be I am actually looking forward to having an organ removed just so I can have a few minutes alone :)

Teens and toddlers

Can I be honest? It is hard having teens and toddlers. People see us and see the two teenagers and say things like "oh, you have your hands full but at least you have these helpers." and usually they are good helpers but they are not adults, they are still children. I honestly don't ever want them to feel as though they are "raising" their younger siblings, after all my husband and I are the ones who chose to have all the kids not them. Don't get me wrong I do expect them to help but I never want to overdo it or make them resent the younger kids.

That being said it is a difficult balance.It is hard to find things everyone wants to do. I always feel like someone is missing out, either we are shuttling the big kids places or going to a place the smaller children enjoy and the teens are bored.

I feel stressed some days, especially in the summer trying to keep everyone happy and occupied. I don't want anyone to look back on their child/teen years with anything but fond memories. Some days I really struggle with guilty feelings for having kids so spread out.

I know their are other families like ours but I don't personally know any and I am still trying to figure out how to make this all work.

15 months

This happy little man is 15 months old. He is into everything, making sure to keep up with his brothers. He loves balls, milk, being outside, swimming, phones and he gets great pleasure out of taking his Grandpas glasses off. He counts one, two, three then runs across the room and jumps into your arms, he eats anything offered to him, is known to swat the hand of his older brothers when he feels his space is being invaded, he has an affinity for babies and adores rides on golf carts and tractors. I am pretty sure he holds a special place in everyones heart, i know he does in mine.