I am fighting a battle, have been fighting this same battle show since the age of 8. My opponent is fierce, strong and unrelenting. Sometime it tries to trick me by laying dormant for a while then when I least expect it, it reappears with a vengeance. I stay mostly silent about this battle, my family and some close friends no but mostly I keep it covered, hidden away in the dark corners of my mind, to afraid to show it to the rest of the world. But I have decided that I NEED to share this battle, I need to let it out, show my true self to all of you and show this big, bad bully that I won't me silent anymore. My battle is with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. At the age of 8 while attending a girl scout camp my disease reared its ugly head, from then on it has tormented me and while I have learned to suppress the symptoms and keep it mostly at for most of my adult life in the past few years it has comsumed me again with the added fun of anxiety\panic attacks. Some days are worse than others but mostly every day is a battle. For the most part I don't talk about it, I'm scared people will judge me, think I'm crazy or just not understand. The other reason for keeping it private is the fear the disease gives me, i am somehow afraid that talking about it will make it worse, but lately I have had the feeling that I need the support and prayers of others to get through this, I just can't do it alone. I know there are so many other people out there that suffer as I do and I just don't personally know any. I would love to connect with others who share my condition. If you don't you can still help me, please pray for me, send me encouraging words, be patient with me when I seem elusive. I am determined to find a way to live without fear, to be free of worry and depression. I will not hide anymore. So I hope in the coming weeks to be able to share more about my condition, to help you all understand it more and to help myself work through some of the things that trouble me.
Sticky Pork Meatballs
1 day ago
Good for you, being strong enough to talk about OCD. It helps me, personally, to talk about it...then when my fears hit the light of day, they are a little less scary than when I let them fester in the back of my mind.
ReplyDeleteYou have my prayers and encouragement! Your family is super cute, too. :)
Bless your heart... Dealing with that on top of having a mess load of kids! They certainly can't make it easier for you. My two are asleep now, and I'm off to spend some time with the Lord. You're top on my prayer list today. Be strong, dear one!!
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave to be open about it. My sister has suffered from OCD since she was a little girl as well. I have had bouts with anxiety/panic attacks and know how hard it is to function. I hope you know that you aren't alone and there are many others out there with similar issues. I think being open enough to talk about it is a wonderful way to open up communication about a hard subject. You're in my prayers today.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are struggling with this. This is a subject near and dear to my heart as I have been battling it since I was 9. I was actually just worrying about my five year old daughter today because she was washing her hands over and over and over again. OCD is a difficult thing to live with and one that in the past I was afraid and ashamed to fully share with other people. I don't know how it is for you, but for me the symptoms get worse with stress and if having a lot of kids for you is how it is for me, it is a breeding ground for stress.
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for sharing these thoughts and putting yourself out there. It will make you stronger and it will help other people who may be suffering in silence.
I would love to talk to you anytime about this. If you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, please feel free to contact me. I understand so much where you are coming from and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Amanda-I love you and always have. You are such an inspiring person who has struggled with this horrible battle that consumes you for the majority of your life. I have been there with you through the good times and bad, and I will continue to be there with you. Keep forging ahead and I am so proud that you told the world. You have already recieved many positive comments and I am sure you will get more.
ReplyDeleteLove you.
Thank you for writing about ocd. I also had ocd start young, around age 8 or 9, and it's a scary scary thing for a child.
ReplyDeleteSaying a prayer for you right now...
ReplyDeleteMy sister in law struggles with OCD. She worked as a home health nurse, and would have to return to houses sometimes several times in a day to make sure she had done things like lock doors, let water out of their tubs and what not. She packed her curling iron and iron and carried them in the car to work or whenever she left the house, that way she'd know she'd unplugged them.
ReplyDeleteIt's been such a tough thing for her. And her family hasn't been supportive at all over the years. Her parents, siblings and husband all roll their eyes and belittle her when they "humor" her, as they call it. It is so disheartening.
I hope through your blog you can find a good support system. Hang in there! I'll say a prayer for you now!
I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to talk about your OCD. I just recently started blogging about mine and it helps a lot! You are definitely not alone in your battle with OCD. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI think the hardest part is telling other people. But after that, its pretty liberating to not use up so much energy hiding anymore. There are lots of us OCDers out here. Thanks for sharing!
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